Let's Talk Burnout

What causes it and what to do about it

I’ve been feeling beyond burnt out lately. I didn’t know it was burn out at first. I thought it was just being tired, maybe too large of a work load that I wasn’t organizing well enough, or even maybe just a lack of discipline.

The amount of time I was just sitting in my office chair staring at my computer, or worse scrolling on my phone is almost embarrassing. So much wasted time, so little productivity, with a to-do list a mile long that I don’t even know how to start. The mental list in my head of all these projects and ideas I have, and no ability to execute. It’s reading something and then immediately forgetting what was said, or not even processing it at all, just skimming my eyes over the words. Its work, it’s home, it’s motherhood, it’s homeschool. All of it just sitting in my head, completely undone, completely chaotic. And yet, at the same time I’m thinking of nothing. I’m just existing going through the motions each day unable to take control of my own mind.

That’s burn out.

I feel a lot of guilt about being burned out. When we think of burn out, we usually think it’s only about work and how much time we’re spending on it. But that’s not the only cause of burnout. I know people who work 60, 70, even 80 hour weeks who don’t get burned out. My husband is one of them, he seemingly has an unlimited capacity to work, whether its at his job or at home he never stops and he thrives in it. I also think just inherently, men have a greater capacity for working longer hours, because men and women are different. And I’m in a male-dominated industry working in tech. So I’m surrounded by men who travel non-stop, work crazy hours, and put so much of their being into work and are frankly just kicking ass.

So when I start to feel burned out, there’s a level of guilt because i don’t think I deserve to be burned out when so many around me are working “more” than I am. I have other commitments as a mother that prevent me from working at that level, but even if I didn’t, I’m not sure I’d be capable of it, at least not long term like some of my co-workers are.

But what I’ve learned is that burn out is not just caused by number of hours worked. It’s about the quality of the hours worked, about the value you think is coming out of those hours, about the joy you feel in what’s being done with your time. And right now, I am in a state where the work I’m doing feels useless. I’m hitting buttons on my keyboard and clicking on my mouse, and dialing into calls I can’t bring myself to pay attention to. I hear “AI is the future” about a million times a day and a whole lot of corporate mumbo-jumbo and it doesn’t mean anything. So, I’m burned out. It’s really hard to day in and day out, pretend to care about something you don’t care about. I’ve worked very hard on things that got torn apart last minute for no fault of my own, I’ve been excited and then disappointed about certain things that continually do not happen because leadership can’t make a decision or that disregard my ideas and perspectives, the work I actually want to do isn’t happening because of the work I have to do. I see no path forward, no visibility being part of a massive organization that sees me as merely an employee ID to plug into the AI matrix, and being so close, yet so far away from doing meaningful work that I’m actually good at which would allow me to use and develop actual skills. It gets exhausting. I may not be putting in all the hours others are doing, but this state of being is tough. And I’m burned out with it.

So then I spend all day doing everything, and nothing at the same time. So when my third shift comes around (being mom), I’m so tired, and all the things I want to do to enrich my children’s lives and education, take so much effort because I don’t have the energy for it even though those are the things I look forward to most days. Frankly I just feel underwater. Burn out is a tough thing.

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So how do we deal with it? And no, it’s not just quitting your job, although in some cases that may be the right call. There is actually a way to manage it without turning your life upside down.

Step 1: Gratitude

What are the things I’m grateful for right now to center myself and get rid of the negativity.

• I’m grateful for the few leaders that I look up to and my co-workers who I love working with and who motivate me about future things to come.

• I’m grateful for a steady paycheck and the ability to work from home and not have to travel so I can maximize my time with my kids.

• I’m grateful for client partners that I really enjoy working with.

• I’m grateful for all the cool things coming up on the horizon that I’ll be able to work on, even if right now things feel monotonous and irrelevant.

Step 2: Take Care of Myself

Often burnout comes from not feeling your best. A clear mind and healthy body help to keep burnout out bay.

• I’m making sure to workout a few times a week and blocking off time on my calendar to make it happen.

• I’m drinking more water (but not less coffee).

• I’m prioritizing protein rich meals and fewer snacks with no nutritional value.

• I’m going to bed earlier than I want to so that I’m getting enough sleep to have a clear head.

Step 3: Find Joy in Other Things

When everything you do is just a task to be completed, that’s a quick way to get sucked into the spiral of burnout.

• I logged off an hour early the other day and took my kids to the library even though I had plenty of work left to do, it could all wait until tomorrow.

• Get OUTSIDE, the sunshine does wonders for your mind and body.

• Work on a different project (like writing on Substack, or planning a science unit)

• Take a day off if you can make it work!

• Get a massage or a mani-pedi, anything that helps you relax and turn off your mind.

• Do something creative, like drawing, knitting, building puzzles or other crafts, baking something from scratch, not for any purpose but just to do something fun and use your hands to make something.

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Burn out is never a fun place to be, but it doesn’t require something dramatic to fix it. Sometimes in true toxic situations a drastic change is required, but most of the time it’s just a misalignment of your mindset with how you’re spending your time. There will always be tedious and unenjoyable pieces of any job, but when you let those pieces dictate how you view your day-to-day, that’s when it happens. And that’s where I have found myself. So, instead of letting it control me, I’m taking control of it. Doing what I must, but also doing what I want and what I need and making sure there is space for all of it.

That’s how we thrive in work, as parents and as homeschoolers who are trying to “do it all”.